The 3 Lies We Tell Ourselves When Moving On

The 3 Lies We Tell Ourselves When Moving On

Moving on is a messy process, even messier than breaking up. Waking up is a struggle. It’s a fight between your breaking heart and your need for sleep, because you’ve spent the past few nights crying and thinking where the hell it all went wrong. But telling yourself a few lies, these lies, work—at least 70% of the time.

1. “He’s surely going through a difficult time, too.”

We’re 70% sure you’re both going through a rough road after the breakup (or the non-breakup for “it’s complicated” relationships). Yes, he is dealing with nagging thoughts that you should get back together, patch things up, or try to check up on each other. Yes, he is having a hard time, too, even when most of his social media updates show him flirting with another girl or having a grand time inside a bar. He’s surely having it hard, too.

2. “I should keep myself busy to forget.”

One, you won’t forget. Two, keeping yourself busy won’t completely do the moving on for you. You will find that in between finishing things for work, beating deadlines, and rushing somewhere to grab late lunch or dinner, you’ll still find moments when you’re dragged to that special place inside you that you’ve built for him. There will be a few minutes when memories of your happy moments flood your mind, and you’ll fail to keep them away. There will be that split-second when you suddenly see that smile or hear that laughter that makes your heart skip a beat. There will be things that will remotely remind you of him—a song, a random scene from a movie, the way the person in front of you walks and slouches. Maybe if you bury yourself in a busy lifestyle, you’ll forget.

3. “Tomorrow, I’ll be okay.”

And you’re 80% sure you’re not going to be. Tomorrow will be another day for you to drag your sorry little self out of bed. Tomorrow will be another day spent convincing yourself that it has all ended and no matter how much you cry to the heavens to bring him back, you will be unsuccessful. Tomorrow will be spent giving yourself a mental slap to focus on larger and more important things, because that’s the only way you’ll forget and finally let things go.

These are the lies you tell yourself, day after day after day. These are the lies you live with and breathe in. But sometimes these lies are the truths you’ll need. Who knows, one day, someday, these will become your unconscious choices every day. One day, you’ll unconsciously choose them until they blur into the truths you know and make most things okay.

(Photo credit: Focus Features)